Rick Metz Developer: A Firm Foundation Show with Rick and Jackie

Newspaper column     “Road Map”

On a recent edition of A Firm Foundation for Life, a growing problem in our Country was discussed — a problem prevalent here, too — long-distance caregiving.   Long-distance caregiving is defined as more than an hour away from your relative.  It’s estimated in our Country that more than 10 million people are trying to manage caregiving by long distance.  Our feature guest on the program was Dr. Maisha Robinson, Chief Resident in Neurology at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, Florida.     Dr. Robinson also specializes in neuro-palliative care and care of seriously ill patients and their families.  She also shared with us her experiences with relatives dealing with  care, during serious illnesses in life, from a distance.  Like Ohio,  Florida has large numbers of people with family afar,  so much so,  that a new profession is springing up, “geriatric care managers.”   A geriatric care manager is trained, trusted, and paid to deal with the sick person locally, make certain decisions, and report to the caregiver’s appointed family, as agreed.

We are fortunate here in Wood County to have an array of supportive services like the Wood County Committee on Aging, as well as other public and private providers.  You don’t have to go very far, even to some adjoining counties, to find supportive services in short supply.   The problem of not having family and friends close by to provide care is only going to get worse in succeeding years as our younger generation, better-educated in many cases, seek out more glamorous places to live than Northwest Ohio making even a move to Columbus, a growing and vibrant city, long-distance by definition.

The following are some suggestions Dr. Robinson offered on the program.   Uprooting Mom or Dad to come live near the kids is not always the best option.   Many older folks don’t want to leave the familiar and move to some place new at an old age.  Many can’t assimilate into new surroundings and the trauma of relocation may be worse than the affliction from which they suffer.   Make sure this is a mutual, well-thought out move; often you can’t go back!   If multiple siblings are involved, split up the duties of caregiving; further, if different siblings have different talents, make use of those talents, i.e., one for the finances,  one for legal issues, and one for physical care.

Travel can be a major problem for the caregiver which can be compounded with worry, strife, and guilt.  Dr. Robinson has seen benefit in longer visits, maybe a whole week at a time versus a day here and there, allowing the caregiver to be really involved during the visit.  Quantity time can mean quality time.  There is a fairly recent situation here in Bowling Green where the daughter retired from her job in another state and temporarily moved to Bowling Green, living with her Mom for the last several years of Mom’s life.  The daughter cherished every moment, was able to get involved with her Mom right here in Bowling Green while participating in church, other activities, including making friends.  She has even said there were no regrets!

Lastly, and most importantly, be realistic about what you can provide as a long-distance caregiver because “caregiver burnout” happens quickly.  There is also a good chance you may not be there at the end, so treat each visit as if it’s the last.  Don’t leave without saying everything to the loved one you want them to know.  Dr. Robinson provided some expert insight, too.  No one knows how much a deathly ill person can hear so assume they can hear everything!  Talk to them like they arelistening.  More importantly don’t say things in their presence that they shouldn’t hear!

Caregiving is not about money; it’s about laying up treasures in heaven.